Houses Vampires Swoop Down, Buy Up | What Real Estate Homes For Sale Are Hot.
Real estate we list and market to around Halloween, what about vampire home buyers?
We tailor make the marketing message to hit so many niche audiences and what about the pale white, not so tanned skinned found lurking in the shadows in the home buying real estate audience?
If you were a vampire, what type of house for sale would bring you in from the curb?
To appeal and lead to a sit down for the closing after the sun sets and the moon is on the rise?
Well for starters, the usually sought after southern exposure for more natural sunlight would not be on the gotta have list.
The lack of windows would be a plus. Smaller sized, less in number would suit a vampire home buyer just peachy. And large homes with secret passage ways and deep, dark basement regions would be a must.
Wet, damp and moist cellars would be A-O-K in a vampire home buyer search for a place to close the liid on the coffin after a hard night of flying, creating mischief and looking for any type of blood donors.
The lower below ground sections of the house for sale a vampire would smile ear to ear and show their fangs over. Would be ideal for having friends over. To experiment with and not be bothered by pesky neighbors who have no idea what goes on in secret regions of the vampire home sold down the street.
A place with walk in dark closets that could serve as bedroom lairs would make the real estate professional find new uses for old standard housing features. Roll in a couple coffins, add some blood red trim for that cozy ambience.
Kitchens with gloomly, dark colors, no sky lights please. No natural lighting eerie pantries that could hold essential items to keep a vampire feeling fit as a fiddle.
Those score high in the property search. With their liquid diet, vampires gotta eat right? Not happy campers when out of food, vampires do not fast for fun or to lose a few pounds. Houses near the Red Cross would be a bonus find for a vampire searching for homes to buy.
Lots of small compartment slide outs in a home’s kitchen, pantry, dining rooms to contain exotic, old country spices and natural supplements would cause the vampire lookie loo to hover. To circle overhead, to return and haunt the new house listings that score high in this regard.
Something a real estate agent catering to vampire home buyers could showcase.
For their real estate customers to really sink their two long signature teeth into would mean juicy, highly detailed narrative rich in detail.
To show this home for sale would fit their keep to themselves life style.
Sorry. No pesky home owner associations (HOA) and rules to go by or intrusive zoning laying heavy on the house for sale for a vampire who needs a place to call home sweet home.
No need to worry if a place comes with a garage or not either. Vehicle storage not on the list of features for a house that a vampire would need. You don’t think of a vampire snow sledding, ATV four wheeling. When you can fly and flit with ease, those mechanical means of transportation lose their luster and appeal.
The usual high on a hill, difficult terrain and over grown with vegetation would appeal to a vampire for a real estate listing. Harder to access means no trick of treaters, door to door salesmen, pairs of church members passing out or leaving pamphlets about a better way of living.
Vampires avoiding being in the public eye.
Out of view clothes lines for hanging flowing black silk, red lined capes with high collars, snow white bleached steam pressed shirts. Another must, on their list of out of the home feature requirements for a vampire house buyer.
Open third floor sashes to make flying and flapping wings have easier landings. Fnding your way home on foggy nights when the vampire is dead tired from a grueling twilight also would be asked for specifically in emails, phone calls and from real estate office drop ins. Unlike witch real estate customers who always harp about needing more than one broom closets.
If the agent, broker, REALTOR happens to burn the midnight oil.
He or she could expect a friendly “good evening” uttered in a Vincent Price accent with a “Thriller” sound track trailing laugh.
Leaving the office lights on to tell the World we are open for business beyond the traditional nine to five, Monday through Friday. For unannounced, don’t need an appointment real estate home buyers. Short on time, even though they have lived for three hundred or more years.
And when Halloween rolls around. Putting on extra help to handle the heavier holiday work load on the phones, email servers and so the real estate agent, broker, REALTOR is available for those off peak hour house showings.
Videos for real estate show and tell late at night, in the wee hours of the mornings.
Having them in the marketing tool box would cause a vampire to select offices shooting, editing, rendering, uploading real estate videos for real estate listings, and the full local array of community events.
Large side by side refrigerators for blood and plasma storage already in place and included in the house sale would also make a vampire home buyer less skiddish about purchasing.
Security devices to thwart and detect silver bullets on a person entering the front iron gate. To detect high garlic odor concentrations with kennels for the estate guard dogs to let a Vampire sleep better days.
The sixth sense is keen but on the home alarm front anything about security, not be found out or awaken would also get the vampire’s attention. Sure to make his gotta have, don’t want real estate property feature list.
Hard to sleep next door to any one that mows big rolling lawns too. Night time overnight jobs do come with little pet peeves for their house owners and the neighboring properties surrounding those lairs
Staging the vampire’s choice home for sale would definitely require the property owner to remove all wooded stakes please and thank you. None in the garage piled up for the garden either.
Or use during winter to place along driveways to help guide the snow blower operator. And avoid ripping up the lawn and more work on the yard in spring after Old Man Winter gives up the ghost. And surrenders to the “here comes that spring time feeling”. When warmer temperatures in the air combine with birds singing, tree budding and green grass, early colors of flowers popping.
Nothing sharped edged or make of wood, no cross members used for vegetables or flowers out in the backyard should be visible if a vampire is the niche audience member.
If determined that someone that lives for centuries, likes to fly or hang around way up high would be a perfect fit as a potential home buyer.
The latest styles of home furnishings, trendy colors and decorating themes would be a no no. Save the money and put the effort into the old old original look of the Queen Anne with working turrets, shuttered windows.
Or abandoned, shabby chic could be a turn on for the vampire real estate home buyer. Something Norman Bates home up behind the out dated and forgotten once the Interstate by passed the lodging motel location would be just fine.
Island, swamp, any location that is harsh is a plus because the negatives in the location, location, location is a big plus for the vampire that wants to find an out of the way, out in the pucker brush home away from home.
Mirrors in hall ways, in bath rooms would be wasted because just no reflection happens to the vampire home buyer. Vampire Weekend Holiday music playing during open houses, individual home showings would be a nice added personal touch. Pictures of ravens on walls could be a nice property staging accent.
Houses that are haunted for sale don’t hurt a vampires feelings the least bit.
They know all about being misunderstood, neglected and even hated outcasts in some circles of society. Vampires are not home to sleep nights and won’t be tossing and turning in the middle of the night thinking about creaks, moans and groans. And during the day, wild imaginations don’t race. Won’t activate during afternoon power nap snoozes. Before rise and shine, do it again on the grave yard shift.
Haunted houses with a complete set of spooks and spirits can hurt the value of real estate properties in Maine though. Read the full article at this link.
Migraines, fatigue, poor color are common for vampire home buyers. So being sensitive about the paleness, speaking softly, moving slowly and not rushing this special type of home buyers is a must. Many old school vampires like a long sack in the rack in a cushy casket. With easy to slide on and off lids or WD 40’ed coffin hitches to ease their frayed nerves after turning into a bat and back and forth to the vampire form again and again. It’s hard work.
But today’s open minded vampire home buyer is after a comfortable pillow top mattress to recharge when feel dead tired and looking to get off their feet. They need their sleep as they avoid death, are plagued with longevity.
To look at the inside of the eye lids and just collect some ZZzzzzz’s.
Our email logs and online websites all show more activity in the wee houses of the morning when catering to vampire home buyers.
It is therefore critical to make sure all these websites are current, up to date with the latest property listings and accurate information on real estate details, pricing, the blog posts with help on buying and selling.
Vampires prefer locations near potential donors for a little snack. When the urge to drink over powers and little time to waste in satisfying the craving for something rich, warm, full of vitality. Houses located near airports are a no no for vampires too.
Being in the glide path to an airport runway is an occupational hazard for vampires.And there guests, family members, others in the pale faced crowd in the under World.
The sounds of big jet engine taking off and landing, all that taxi moving around of large commercial airplanes interferes with the peace and quiet of a vampire after a real estate listing.
Holy water, bibles, spotlights, lanterns or candles not something on the list of items a vampire would have kicking around in their homes.
So images of vampire home potential listings better be dark, murky, hard to make out, just like the videos that use infared or artificial intelligence green lighting like the military uses with their drop down night vision goggles.
Happy Halloween to all our real estate partners.
All those vampires, spooks, spirits and anything that goes bump in the night out in the audience of real estate home buyers.
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MOOERS REALTY 69 North Street Houlton ME 04730